Here is a paragraph from an article that the APA published recently. Let me know what your thoughts are concerning the prospect of this type of healthcare model. Is it a sustainable model?
Sixty-eight percent of adults with mental health conditions also have medical conditions, and 29 percent of adults with medical conditions have mental health conditions. "If that's not a reason to integrate mental and behavioral health care into primary care, I don't know what is," said Rebecca B. Chickey, MPH, director of the American Hospital Association's section for psychiatric and substance abuse services. Continue reading...
This past weekend my family and I traveled out of town for a soccer tournament. This is an incredibly large tournament with hundreds of players of all ages. This proved to be quite the place for people watching (one of my favorite pastimes).
Here are some quick observations:
Intense parents create intense children.
Angry parents create angry children.
There seems to be a general lack of respect for adults or authority. Maybe because adults don’t respect children.
Soccer is a fun and exciting game to watch at any age (until we take it too seriously. Then it’s just sad).
What are kids being taught when it’s not ok to lose?
It is possible to take a game too seriously.
Kids shouldn’t have to worry about getting yelled at.
It’s great to see so many parents sacrifice so much for their children.
I love watching my daughter and her team play soccer.
Long drives are more fun with good music that I can sing to and get crazy embarrassed looks from my girls!
Weekends away are great times to be spontaneous.
I like long walks through the woods with my family.
Teenage girls require a lot of sleep.
When teenage girls don’t get lots of sleep… watch out!
I like to zig zag the car when my girls are sleeping so they become living bobble heads.
Spend as much time with your family as you can this coming holiday weekend and take note of what you can learn. Then share it with me.
I have one more tale to tell. For all the great things that soccer does for kids it may leave children with just as many emotionally issues.
As usually when I attend our youngest daughter’s soccer games I am typically as interested in what is going on off the field as well as on the field. Most of the time I am paying very close attention to her coach and his coaching style. Seldom do I pay close attention to the opposing coach unless he displays some amount of anger. Almost always I am keyed into the parents on the sidelines.
Last weekend while watching and listening a player from the opposing team came onto the field and was lining up for kick I heard a father coaching from behind me. The father instructed the player, “don’t listen to him, never mind what he’s saying, just work hard and do your thing.”
At this the young girl who was looking directly at her father shook her head no and began to cry. Obviously there was much more to the exchange than I will ever know. However based on the reaction from the player it was definitely a touchy and difficult topic.
Here’s my issue. I know that sometimes we as well meaning parents do things unwittingly that hurt our kids. I know that sometimes instruction from parents is unwanted from children. Also, most of the times it’s better to let the coach be the coach. What’s the point of creating tension between a parent and child, between a parent and coach, or between a parent and a coach over 10 year olds playing soccer?
Is it really that important that we as parents feel that we have to become so invested in young children playing a game? It’s time for parents to re-evaluate their priorities. Weekend after weekend I am witnessing hurtful behavior from parents. What are the long-term results of these behaviors?
Another soccer story. This is an account from a soccer game two weeks ago.
Two weeks ago while waiting for our youngest daughter’s game to start we were watching a couple of boys teams play. The first thing I noticed is that boys are much more aggressive than girls. Secondly, parents of boys are much more aggressive; they are loud and actively coach from the sidelines. Therefore they are much more engaged with the officiating. As I mentally lulled back from actively watching the game to listening to conversation around me my attention was drawn back to the game with yelling.
As I looked a father was standing on the field as the official was ejecting him from watching the game. I heard the official yell, “You’re outta here!” and the father retorted, “You’re an idiot!”. The precipitating comments I will not share as this a family focused blog.
Parents chimed in with comments regarding the father’s behavior as inappropriate and embarrassing for the man’s son. As the father walked off the field toward the parking lot he walked past me, we made eye contact and he stated. “I guess that was a bit much”.
Much to my disappointment I didn’t have my business cards with me. I did however have many conversations in the following days about the father’s behavior.
What are the good and bad points to the father’s actions? What did he do wrong and what would have been a better way to handle the situation?
Our youngest daughter is facing a difficult situation. She’s been playing soccer for several years and yesterday we were notified that there would be no team for her age group this fall.
She and the other players on her team were told that they could practice and try out for the U 13 team. She will be 11 at the end of July. In all probability she won’t play much if she does make the team since there are already three keepers on that team.
So here is the conundrum. To try out or not? To try to play or not? What to do?
One of the parents remarked: “do you want to pay $$$ to watch your kid sit on the bench?” As my wife and I talked about it my remark was that’s short term thinking and our daughter playing soccer is not about us as parents.
Here’s the truth. Being on a team where most of the kids are two years older means that she probably won’t play much. And. If she does this how much will she learn from the practices and from watching older more experienced players?
What would be the best for her long-term?
Now with that said. It’s still her choice. We can help her look at all the different angels of the issue at hand. Then let her decide what she wants to do.
In the past I’ve talked about the topic of problem solving and teaching your children the skill of problem solving.
Recently my good friend and business partner Joe Martino handed me a book and told me that I should read it. The book is entitled The 5 Elements of Effective Thinking by Edward B. Burger and Michael Starbird. Immediately I opened the book and began reading.
The one principle that stuck with me in the first couple of chapters is in regards to problem solving. The authors encourage their readers to resist the temptation of trying to solve big problems in one fail swoop. In fact many people become frustrated or overwhelmed when faced with big problems and ultimately fail or quit attempting to solve the problem.
The authors teach that problems are usually made up of smaller problems and that when we are faced with large issues we need to take a long hard look and break it down into smaller issues that can be solved. Through this model we can eventually solve our larger problem.
I have found this to be extremely helpful with my clients and I am looking forward to teaching it’s my daughter’s the practical application as soon as the opportunity arises.