There I have said it…
Now I can make my point.
Too often I have heard within and outside of the counseling session parents using their children as the reasoning for getting a divorce. Let me make a couple of points perfectly clear to avoid some backlash.
- I am not talking about abusive situations
- I am not standing in judgment of those that are divorced.
Current research is pointing out one major fact about children whose parents divorce. They suffer from trauma. Divorce may very well be the most traumatic event that children can go through.
Furthermore current research is pointing out the even dysfunctional/unhealthy intact marriages are better for children than divorce.
I have worked with adolescents for about 15 years now. I have talked with many children of divorced homes. I have never had one tell me that their parent’s divorcing is what they had always wished for. Even when have acknowledged that the divorce was good for their parents they still feel the pain and secretly wish and often openly hope that this had never happened and pray that some day mom and dad will get back together.
So here is my point. If you’re going to get divorced then do it… Don’t rationalize that you’re doing it for the kids. Do it knowing that you’re putting your children through hell on earth. Do it knowing that your children’s lives will never be the same. Do it with the understanding that even if your children cognitively understand the reason they still don’t like it, want it, or wish it to happen.